Yes it's one of the parts of early childhood that parents dread. The terrible twos, threes, fours and let's face it young children display rage for a number of years.

Toddler rage is extreme. Unpredictable. Violent. Scary. It can reduce normally placid parents to gibbering wrecks in a matter of minutes. But we've ALL been there. We've all been raging toddlers ourselves, in fact. It should come as no surprise.

It's hilarious when you hear smug people say things like: "No, Olly never had the terrible twos". Just wait sister. Olly's brewing. He's just a little later than some. Because toddler rage is a rite of passage and it will come.

But why? Why do toddlers get SOOOOO incredibly frustrated and angry? Put yourself in their shoes. Things don't make sense. You can't ask for an explanation. You can't make yourself understood. Your parents dismiss your unspoken needs with patronising baby talk and irrelevant responses.

AAAARGGHHHHH. Are you feeling me, Mister?

Over ten years ago Dorothy Einon, a senior lecturer in psychology at University College, London and now author of over 15 books on child development, started running temper tantrum workshops: a pilot scheme designed to help parents struggling to cope with particularly unruly children.

She said her idea was to not fix toddlers, but to "hammer home (to parents) just how hard it is to communicate without adequate language".

Dorothy explained that a child's inability to express its needs is a common reason for tantrums. She demonstrated this with an exercise to help parents to understand something of what their toddler was going through: The exercise was to show a group of parents an abstract picture and get them to describe it without using words. Imagine the WORST game of "Give Us A Clue" or Pictionary, ever!

According to research, tantrums affect around 80% of children, usually those between two and four, the age when children first recognise themselves as individuals, but fail to comprehend that their parents have minds and emotions separate from their own. When children, bafflingly, find that their desires don't correspond with a parent's, all hell can break loose. Sound familiar?

Although naturally stubborn, youngsters are more likely to have tantrums, even the most placid child is not immune.

And we've all been embarrassed in public places by a toddler doing the screaming backwards headbang.

Tantrums are inevitable. No point in trying to totally prevent them. But there are ways to quell them that don't involve pinning said toddler to a chair while swearing profusely under your breath.

• Stay cool, calm and collected. Be the adult!
• Intervention – try to step in and quell the situation before it gets out of hand. A small tantrum can quickly escalate into the mother of all tantrums.
• Try withdrawing and ignoring for a few minutes until their anger subsides. Remain within sight, but grit your teeth and do some washing up rather than rising to the tantrum.
• Don't scold your child afterwards. It does absolutely no good and simply drives a bigger wedge.
• Don't give in to their demands either or they will very quickly understand that if they scream and shout they get what they want… and then you're in real trouble! Try to simply move on. Remember the 3 times rule. Let a small child do anything 3 times and it becomes a habit.
• Distraction is good. Toddlers can switch from an almighty tantrum to total happiness in seconds!
• Don't descend into rage yourself! If you feel yourself losing it, step out.
• Don't let them know they can control you or hold you hostage. If you're in a public place, take them to the car until the tantrum is over (cars are great for both child and parent tantrums!).
• If you can, try to learn to avoid the sort of scenario likely to trigger a tantrum in the first place, i.e. avoid going to stressful places like the supermarket when they're tired and don't snatch things away from them or just keep saying no for no reason.

Child development specialists in the US have already shown that by learning simple sign language or hand gestures can be really useful in helping quell tantrums due to communication frustration. Try learning a few basic signs.

The toddler tantrum years will be trying, but usually short-lived. If tantrums haven't stopped after your child is well able to communicate, then there may be other behavioural issues at play and you should consult your GP and talk to their carers or teachers about triggers and behaviour.

But with toddlers, it's kind of unavoidable. You'll survive. Valium helps. And try classical music. It's very calming for the adult and we've learnt recently that if you play classical music to dogs it stops them barking. So you never know. Might be worth a try?