|
|
|
|
by Sophie Cross
For those of you who have a toddler, you will probably be familiar with some of the following scenes. They are from that awkward and messy phase in between leaving the nappy behind and fully embracing the toilet. When toddlers are obsessed with their own poo.
As soon as toddlers get wind of the fact they can take off their nappies without your help, you are in trouble. This happens from around two years old, possibly a bit earlier. And when it happens, you are in for weeks or possibly months of some pretty filthy behaviour.
Particularly if your toddler has an artistic bent.
Nappy removing. Nappy throwing. Nappy smearing. Dragging the nappy down the corridor or over the carpet. Using the nappy as a weapon of mass destruction.
The following story is from my own memoirs, from a brief period in the history of my daughter Francesca's development, when she was truly fixated with her own poo and yes, Francesca does have an artistic gene. And loves to share and express herself visually.
I recounted this story to my friend Sacha Molitorisz on the Sydney Morning Herald at the time that it happened, but I think there is merit and amusement in revisiting the sordid scene.
There have been dirty protests before, but this one took the biscuit. Francesca had been faffing around in her bedroom for a while, refusing to go to sleep and taking all her books off the shelves, changing clothes, etc.
After her final exit from the kitchen and with the excuse of going to the loo (phantom, not a real requirement), she then went into her bedroom and shut the door to keep me out. Alarm bell number one should have sounded at this point.
I settled down to The Lifestyle Channel and heard various scrabblings coming from her room and the wardrobe doors opening and closing. Alarm Bell number two.
Finally there was some banging on her bedroom door, so I went into her filthy little den to see what she was up to.
I encountered a disgusting, truly vomit-inducing scene. There she was, nappy off, dirty bottom, only her pyjama top on and her hands absolutely caked, and I mean, caked in her own poo. Couldn't see her skin or nails sort of caked. She had smeared her doings everywhere around her wardrobe and literally rendered all her drawers with poo.
They were very evenly plastered. Including the handles. She'll make a very good plasterer or renderer (which is one of the well-paid and skilled trades, so not a bad skill to have). Honestly I was momentarily dumbstruck. Possibly petrified. Before I processed the true horror of the situation and got myself together enough to act.
It is at these times that you realise how much you love your children because if you didn't you would not be able to go near them! But I grabbed her under the arms (pretty much the only place the poo hadn't gone) and unceremoniously dumped her under the shower.
Realising I was extremely angry - I imagine because I was swearing profusely – she began crying. Yes I admit to having a potty mouth in these sorts of situations. Not ideal. Not a good example to my young daughter, but when you're faced with the sort of scene that would put veteran 1978 Dirty Protestor Pat McGeown to shame, expletives are inevitable.
Having washed off all the poo from her body, wrapped her up in her dressing gown and plonked her on the sofa, sobbing (her, not me though I was close), I went back into her bedroom with as many cleaning supplies as I could muster and it took me about 20 minutes to get all the poo off the wardrobe. I even had to unscrew all the handles and wash them as well as cleaning out the screw holes with baby buds. Truly, utterly gross.
Amazingly all the clothes and the insides of the drawers were untainted.
This wasn't the only incident. She also had various episodes of painting the walls behind her cot in poo and the bars of her cot too. And herself. She could have given Tracy Emin's Turner Prize nominated “My Bed” exhibit a run for its money.
Why do children do it? And when do they stop?
It's clearly a phase in their development. Part of the potty training phase. When you and your child are equally obsessed with their excrement. They love to experiment. To express themselves with their own doings.
It's vile. But it does stop. Eventually. When they've got over their obsession and have fully embraced the loo and what should go in it.
But as soon as your toddler expresses even a vague interest in his or her own poo, it could be a good idea to buy some extra bleach and disposable cleaning wipes and some large sheets of plastic. Your toddler could be planning a Dirty Protest.
Let's hope it's short-lived. Good luck.
|
|
| Sophie Cross is a public relations consultant and writer who has publicised and written about everything from makeup to The Muppets, child care to celebrity chefs and perfume to Partners in Population and Development! Originally from the UK and as a languages graduate she has worked around the world, living in Australia for the last 11 years where she runs, PR Chicks. Read Sophie's blog
|
|
|
|
|
