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| Is there too much pressure on families?
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by Sophie Cross
Recently a story went around the world via Reddit and Facebook and was reported on by NBC's TODAY in the USA. The story was simply a humorous comeback by an Australian father of an 11-month-old girl to the questionnaire he received from his daughter's child care centre.
The questionnaire asked for responses to questions regarding the child's likes dislikes, habits, talents, hopes and dreams. And this is where it all got rather silly and the tongue-in-cheek reply by the father was highly amusing.
As published on TODAY Moms, following an interview, the father listed his daughter's strengths as "rapid digestion" and yodeling, while her goals were world peace and to "open every drawer everywhere".
The father's comical answers on behalf of his daughter became an Internet sensation after his friend posted it on Reddit.
"I am totally astounded that my trivial musings over a glass of wine late at night in my small home in Sydney, Australia, would the next afternoon become an Internet behemoth," Emma's father, Ben told TODAY Moms in an email.
"I simply wanted to make people smile". That he did, though not everyone.
The questionnaire was intended for children up to age five and asked parents to list their child's strengths, interests and goals.
In the section that asks what friends the child likes to play with, Ben answered: "Not ones that adults can see, like unicorns and pixies".
Under interests, he included "food as art/clothing" and "firmly gripping dog's hair".
Emma's goals, according to dad, are to "unplug all power cords" and "inflict sleep deprivation on my parents until such time as they acquiesce to my every whim".
These questionnaires are often sent in various forms, detail and intensity to parents enrolling their children for the first time. They are of course designed to get as much information on the new child as possible.
Maybe it was just the fact that the questionnaire was directed at Emma herself rather than at her parents that meant a facetious response was required?! After all she can neither talk, nor write, so the chances of her filling it in by herself or even dictating her answers to her father are, you would think, pretty remote!
Of course child care centres, pre-schools and other care facilities need to know useful information about all the children in their care to enable them to give that child the best attention, care and support while they are with them.
But, rather like those parenting books that new mums find so addictive, yet incredibly deflating at the same time, these questions as to babies' likes, dislikes, talents, activities and achievements or "goals" can leave parents feeling rather inadequate and wondering if they're doing enough with their children.
Another new mum had a similar questionnaire for her six-month old, enrolling him for the first time when she went back to work.
She said she had felt quite smug, filling in all the things she'd been doing with her little boy, like music, gym and movement, swimming and socialising etc, but then the following week once she had started back at work three days a week she started panicking that she wasn't spending enough time with her baby, that he wouldn't be able to continue all these activities and might suffer in his development as a result…
Now HANG ON A MINUTE! This is where we take a big breath and calm down!
How many of us as babies or toddlers went to Baby Mozart, GymbaROO, Baby Sensory, Baby Yoga, Baby Gymnastics, Baby Meditation…???! I would say probably very few of us.
We went to the local playgroup, maybe swimming lessons and once we were old enough to some sort of sport or dance classes. And that was probably from about four years old, not four weeks…
All these classes of course have great merit. They are fun, social and interactive. But then so is the park or the beach or the local playgroup. And if you don't have time, money or inclination to go to special developmental classes, your baby will not suffer as a result and start a dreadful journey of delinquency or being developmentally challenged in childcare, pre-school and school.
Babies don't have goals or aims. They don't particularly have special interests or talents, at least none that are any different to the baby next door. They are simply babies, doing their thing, and unless they have any particular reason for learning or developmental disability, they walk and talk when they're ready, they learn to read and write and sing and dance when they're ready, just like all the millions of other babies around the world have done forever.
Parents have enough pressure on them as it is trying to hold down a job to pay a mortgage and raise a family. Mothers particularly experience the dreaded "Motherguilt" and separation anxiety. They really don't need to be made to feel under more pressure by being asked ridiculous questions about their child's aspirations and talents.
So let's stick to the necessary need to know questions and let the parents and babies muddle along in their own way, the way they have done for thousands of years. They will all get to school at roughly the same age, develop at roughly the same rate, do their HSCs at the same time and go on to be and do whatever it is they decide is their talent at say 16 or 17 or 25 or 30…
They may of course still be living off us at home at the age of 25, but that will really have had nothing to do with not having goals and talents at 11 months old.
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| Sophie Cross is a public relations consultant and writer who has publicised and written about everything from makeup to The Muppets, child care to celebrity chefs and perfume to Partners in Population and Development! Originally from the UK and as a languages graduate she has worked around the world, living in Australia for the last 11 years where she runs, PR Chicks. Read Sophie's blog
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