|
|
| In praise of dads
|
| Working, stay-at-home and everything in-between
|
| by Sophie Cross
|
|
|
|
Being "Dad" these days is getting increasingly tougher and confusing. The expectations are huge - from all sides, especially from the dad himself and the lines are increasingly blurred as to the job description.
It's hard enough for Dads still living with a partner/mother of their children, let alone for the increasing number of dads who are in sole care of their children on either a full time or part time basis.
Up until fairly recently, in the grand scheme of things, gender roles were pretty clean cut and specific: Man went to work and provided for family and patted a few small heads occasionally at the weekends and after dinner; woman stayed at home, had babies, reared children, washed, ironed and made the dinner. It was all very straight forward and clean cut. Except women were getting more and more disenchanted with their side of the bargain and men were getting disenchanted with the never-ending work drudge and never seeing their families.
The cost of living started getting increasingly out of kilter with the average "man's" salary and both parents needed to work in order to fund their family. Women didn't just work in office jobs and typing pools or other traditional female roles. They started working in all fields, at all levels. Couples became dual-income families. Women shared the breadwinning and men shared the parenting.
And while couples at home and amongst friends championed and enjoyed this new way of living and working and sharing both financial and family burdens and duties as equals, society and businesses were a lot slower on the uptake and viewed the whole working mum/parenting dad with suspicion.
The momentum of change and dialogue in terms of gender equality was definitely with the woman. Men, dads specifically, found themselves floundering around wondering what the hell their role now was!
The roles of mum and dad are now undefined - apart from the pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding bit, the parenting from pretty early on is to a great extent equally shared. Men can be "mums" and women can be "dads". Thankfully children will continue being children and very accepting of pretty much any style of home situation as long as someone is making them dinner and keeping them entertained.
Up until recently most companies have made it particularly hard for men to be supportive dads as well.
While we often talk about the stigma of being a stay-at-home mum; or a working mum who thinks her career is important, or who thinks leaving the office in time to spend time for her child is important, or, God forbid, both, Dads have also been stigmatised for taking a proactive parenting role; for choosing to stay at home, take a sabbatical, extra leave or for the dad who leaves at 5pm to pick up the from child care.
Men are left wondering if it's ok to give a toss as a parent; to ask to work shorter hours to accommodate child care pick ups; to ask to work from home; to ask for flexibility or more holiday to manage school holidays… and for a great many dads, asking for these things and being seen to be trying to share the parenting load is still seen as "soft".
Let's be clear on this point. Taking a stand with work, ask for flexible working (which by the way is your right), taking time out to spend with your kids, to enjoy their childhood as well as to do the not-so-cool things like sick child care duty, doctors, school uniform shop etc or even making the huge decision to be the stay at home parent, simply proves you're a good dad and a great partner.
The workplace and home equality movements have come a long way, but due to reticence of the majority of businesses to really push forward, equality has never really been achieved. Men are still largely emasculated for being caring dads; women are deemed ballbreakers for wanting to make it to the top of the career ladder.
The tide is perhaps finally turning though. Some of our top businesses are taking a stand and pushing forward the principle that good parenting and successful working do not have to be mutually exclusive. They are implementing and "expecting" flexible working; extra holiday purchasing schemes; sabbaticals for dads wanting to take time out to spend with their children before they go to school or share the load by being a stay at home dad for a year to allow their wife back to work full time.
Dad and Partner pay went a long way to acknowledging the father's role in the early stages of a baby's life and allowing the father to take paid time off, as well as the mother.
The recent trend to instigate flexible working as a "default" started with Telstra, who, as a communications company, really had no excuse to not champion flexible working. Now five of the country's biggest companies have successfully adopted this method.
Top Dad at Westpac, father of 6 and CEO Brian Hartzer leads by example. Having instigated a culture of parent friendly flexible working, no early or late meetings and extra holiday purchasing, he buys extra weeks holiday to help bridge the gap of four weeks statutory holiday versus the (up to) 14 weeks of school holidays.
And there is no reason why other companies and bosses can't do the same to encourage fathers to be valued and value themselves as both parents and employees.
At the end of the day, when you get to 60 and are pensioned off by your company, which would you rather…that your boss or many bosses throughout your career all thought you were great, put in the hours and earned their loyalty and your super/pension, or that your children grew up thinking your were the best, most present and supportive Dad that they could have wished for?
As Rudyard Kipling famously said:
"If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;…You'll be a man, my son".
Being the best dad you can be, true to yourself and to your family is what's really important.
Happy Fathers Day.
|
|
|
|
| Sophie Cross is a PR, writer, mum and soft touch when it comes to small furry animals. She grew up in the south-east of England, but has lived in France, Italy, Australia and in the beautiful Lecrin Valley (Valle de Lecrin), Andalucia. She has worked with CareforKids.com.au since 2006. She lives in Limpsfield, Surrey (UK), surrounded by pretty villages, the rolling hills of the North Downs and the delightfully picturesque M25! Read more by Sophie
|
|
|
|
|
