Teaching your toddler to follow directions

Between the ages of one and three, a small child has a lot going on. Your toddler is enjoying upward mobility, and it's not just their body that is busy. Their brain is also working overtime as it develops intellectually, emotionally and socially. Even though your toddler is actively absorbing language, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll do as you say.

Is it possible to teach your toddler to follow instructions? Bright Horizons has some great ways to encourage them to pick up toys, put away shoes and generally heed your instructions on the home-front, rather than them doing what seems like is just plain ignoring you. 

Why don't toddlers follow directions?

Because of all the developmental changes and experiences they're going through, there are four big reasons why a small child might struggle to follow instructions (or it seems as though they're deliberately ignoring you!)

1. They're distracted: toddlers are curious and active, with a keen interest in 'cause and effect', so they're often more interested in making things happen, such as pouring or knocking things over rather than making things tidy.
2. They're testing you: your toddler's penchant for experimentation means they also love getting a reaction. They might be thinking, "Does Mummy really mean it?" or "What will happen if I don't do what Daddy asks?"
3. They're asserting their individuality: sometime during their first year, your baby realises that they're a separate being and with this epiphany comes the power for your toddler to say, "No" – just because they can.
4. They're human: like everyone, your toddler has different moods and tolerances which means they may not want to follow instructions. However, there will also be times when they don’t know how to follow your directions, whether it's because they don't understand, they can't follow them, or they're simply too tired, hungry, or grumpy.

How can you encourage and begin teaching your toddler to follow directions?

To help your kids listen up and help out, Bright Horizons recommends that you:

1. Create a 'climate of respect': speak to your child as you would to any person – in a direct, clear, open and respectful way. Instead of yelling an instructions like you're an authority figure or trying to manipulate circumstances, say things in a way that won't encourage toddler defiance. For example, children will obey parents if they say, "Let's put your shoes away," rather than, "Good girls/boys put their shoes away."
2. Get organised: your toddler hasn't been tidying up toys for decades and they're new to daily routines, so make it easier for them to help. Create easy-to-access spaces for their belongings, such as a coat hook at your toddler's height, and show them how to put things away.
3. Keep your expectations in check. Because your toddler is just learning about the world, try not to overload them with instructions. Make a plan to give them one job at a time and the space to complete it. Then if they don't follow your direction, you could take their hand and create a teachable moment by saying, "Here, I'll help you." Reward them for a job well done. Remember that a two-year-old won't tidy up like an adult, so try not to be a perfectionist, and put value on their effort instead.
4. Focus on the fun factor: if you, as an adult, complain about household chores to your partner, your toddler will get the sense that jobs are to be avoided. Show positive behaviour towards helping out and inject some fun into domesticity.
5. 'Say what you mean and mean what you say': because your toddler is testing boundaries and showing an interest in cause and effect, it's important that you follow-through on any requests and rule that you make. If you ask your toddler to do something, commit to them following your direction.

All in all, the toddler years are a great time to teach your child a new skill and system, like using a broom or packing up toys, and involve them in the domesticity of family life. However, it's important that you approach and recognise your little helper for what they are: a young child who's experimenting, asserting themself, and learning on the job.