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| PARENTING:
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| Positive effects of mindful parenting
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Mindfulness has become an increasingly common tool for stress management. Using simple relaxation methods such as deep breathing and refocusing thoughts, it is a wonderful way to calm the mind and rebalance the nervous system.
But more recently, mindfulness has also been applied to parenting and studies show that it can have very positive effects on children.
So, what is mindful parenting and can it really ease the daily chaos?
In basic terms, mindfulness is being fully present in the moment; slowing down your thoughts enough to be aware of exactly what you are doing, accepting feelings, thoughts and situations.
Though it sounds simple, given the speed in which we live our lives today, it can sometimes be harder than it sounds! Living in such a frenetic way, running between commitments and responsibilities, we are often so caught up in our thoughts we never give ourselves chance to stop and just be! However, the more complicated our lives become, the more important mindfulness becomes, otherwise we miss so much of our lives.
When applied to parenting, mindfulness means being both physically and emotionally present with our children in a non-judgmental way. Enhancing our connection to them and our awareness of their emotions, this mindfulness allows us to be more in tune and sensitive to our children, which, in stressful situations, can really help.
If a child is having a tantrum about wearing pyjamas to daycare, we can reflect it back to them by understanding that it makes them sad, helping them to pause for a moment. That pause and support can provide the time they need to process, label and understand the emotion, thus pacifying the situation.
Mindful parenting is also about accepting our imperfections and not having preconceived expectations of success. Making peace with our shortcomings allows us to be less stressed, calmer and more present for our kids; accepting that it really doesn't matter if they go to daycare with odd shoes, or inside-out shorts.
But one of the most important reasons for mindful parenting is the example that it sets for children. Stress is contagious and children notice everything, especially picking up on when their parents are tense and overwhelmed. If parents are more emotionally present and balanced, children grow up to be more grounded and able to manage their own stressful situations. So by managing our own stress we can set a good model for kids.
Childhood stress is becoming increasingly widespread, which can have significant knock-on effects such as headaches, abdominal pain and difficulty sleeping. When stressed, children turn directly to their parents for support, and parents therefore have the capacity to either lower or increase that stress. React calmly and kids react calmly, as they know you are in control and their environment is safe. By using mindfulness in stressful situations, parents can regulate their own emotion and react in a positive way.
Simple ways to introduce mindfulness
Busy parents don't have time for an hour of daily meditation, but there are a few simple things you can do to bring some mindfulness into your life. Deep breathing is a wonderfully easy mindfulness tool. Simply breathe in for six counts, then breathe out slowly and picture letting go of your stress as you exhale, thinking of nothing but your breath for that time. And this is something you can practice and use anywhere.
You can also try mindfulness around the house. Rather than busily running through your To-Do list in the shower, stop and breathe and think about what you are doing: 'I'm in the shower, the water feels warm'. Notice that your mind can stop chattering, and just experience the moment.
Mindfulness is also something you can practice with your child and the smallest things can make the biggest difference. Take a moment to lie down with them and breathe in and out, or put the phone away and lie in the garden for ten minutes to watch the clouds go by.
By introducing just a little mindfulness to your parenting you will be able to slow down and find a richer appreciation for the present; being able to see children exactly as they are, not as you want them to be. Living only in the moment, children are a perfect example of mindfulness. So take their lead, step into their world and experience the present as they do for a moment.
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