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Though upsetting, biting is unfortunately quite a common occurrence amongst children under three years old. An outlet for children to express their frustration when they cannot yet verbalise their emotions, biting is a worry for both the biter and the victim when it happens. The good news is that, most often, children grow out of it. But what should you do if biting occurs?
Why kids bite
There are several reasons why kids are driven to bite another. Frustration is often a culprit. With too many wants and too many demands, a child can be led to bite to express their upset - over a snatched toy, or a restriction - rather than use words.
This is also true for lack of attention, as biting will always bring significant attention from adults. Stress or feeling powerless can also lead to a child biting, if younger children feel overwhelmed or stressed in certain situations biting can be a release. It could also be something as basic as teething, when applying pressure to the gums is comforting. Some young children also bite out of sheer excitement - even as a result of being happy - the over-stimulation can result in an out-of-control reaction.
If your child is the biter
Being told your child has bitten another is upsetting for any parent, and it is natural to worry. For most it is a one-off occurrence or a short phase the child will grow out of, but it is important to work with the child care service to ensure it doesn't happen again.
Ensure that the service providers examine the context in which the biting happened and also observe your child to change both the environment and activities if necessary, to avoid a repeat occurrence.
At home, you can help by looking for stresses, maybe an overly demanding schedule or frustrations happening elsewhere, to see if they can be alleviated. If your child is old enough, ask them to try and explain what happened and see if they can suggest ways to deal with the situation differently next time.
If the biting happens at daycare it is important that you don't punish your child when they get home, as it will have been dealt with at the time. But with older kids you can still talk naturally with them about how biting hurts and that it isn't a good thing to do. By encouraging the use of words to express feelings and emotions, a child is less likely to lash out with biting, so spend time teaching appropriate words.
If your child is the victim
Seeing bite marks on your child is heartbreaking and it is natural to be upset. But try to remember that it is probably the result of a situation, rather than the fault of the biting child. If another child bites your child in child care, the service will tell you what happened, how it was dealt with, and should provide you with a copy of the incident report. Always ask the centre about what is being done to ensure that it doesn't happen again. If the biting happens again, work with the centre to move your child to separate group or request a carer is assigned to shadow the biter until the biting stops.
What the child care service should do
The child care centre should have a policy in place for handling biting. If biting occurs, their primary focus will be on comforting the victim. They will separate the children immediately, clean the wound and place ice or a cool cloth on it to soothe.
Once calm, they will then focus on the biter, to explain that biting hurts and is not an acceptable thing to do. With a potential biter in the group, they should spend more time on the floor with the children so they can stop biting behaviour before it happens. By looking for cues and triggers – arguing over a toy, frustrating situations, or particular times of the day – they can make changes to the programme. Having a regular carer in the room who know the temperaments of the children and will know when biting could potentially occur, will also help. If the biter focuses on one child, they may choose to separate them as much as possible until the behaviour changes.
In situations around taking turns or sharing a toy, they might use methods of distraction with younger children. But with older children, they might try methods of conflict resolution, where the child can resolve the frustration before the biting occurs, allowing the carer to role model appropriate negotiation.
Whether your child is the biter or the victim, the partnership between the service and the parents is important. So, as parents, take an active part in finding a quick and bite-free resolution.
Read our article Successfully dealing with a child who bites
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