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| Putting mum top of the list
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When was the last time you had time just for yourself?
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Though taking time out seems impossible as a working parent, regularly putting yourself first is essential, not only for your own health and wellbeing but also for the health and wellbeing of the whole family. As the saying goes: 'Happy mum, happy family'
A recent survey by the Australian Psychological Society (APS), found that inadequate time for rest and personal interests was one of the rising causes of stress impacting on the mental health of Australian women.
Emotional and physical wellbeing are intrinsically linked, so stress and feeling burnt out can also lead to physical symptoms: fatigue, lowered immune system and digestive upsets. Therefore staying fit, healthy and happy ensures the family gets the best of you.
As well as the health benefits, having your own hobbies and personal time also sets an important example for your children. By nurturing yourself, you are saying 'I'm worth taking care of' and you also demonstrate you are an individual rather than 'just a parent!'
Despite these benefits, recent statistics show that the average mother has a mere 17 minutes to herself a day. It also found that 51 per cent of mothers regularly go whole weeks without a single minute relaxing on their own.
It will always feel like you don't have time and there are only 24 hours in a day, so set things in place for regular down time. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, and there is no right or wrong way to spend some 'me time'. A half-hour walk, a coffee with a friend, a browse through your favourite bookstore, or maybe a moment to indulge a hobby.
It could be something different every week – one week a haircut, the next week a movie. Or if you prefer having a plan, try the regular commitment of a class. So long as you find it relaxing, fun and you create an opportunity to unwind and recharge.
If exercise feels like another thing on your burgeoning To-Do List, don't push yourself to use this time to exercise either! Take it as permission to do nothing; something with no outcome can often be the best form of therapy.
Thought it is tempting to fill any spare moment you have with that extra load of washing or a quick clean of the bathroom, make sure you use those moments for your own time. Treat it as an appointment. If you need to, actually make a date with yourself and schedule it into your diary, and don't bump yourself it for anyone!
Most leisure time that mums take is incorporated into family time; therefore the needs and wants of the family come first. So if the kids are always invading, forget having a relaxing bath at home and take your 'me time' out of the house.
The busy life of a parent often means we lose track of the person we were prior to having kids. But ignoring our needs can lead to us feeling depressed, stressed and run down. The things we love can begin to feel like a burden, we forget the joy and fun that family and life brings. So if you are stuck for ideas, look to things that you used to enjoy prior to having a family.
'Me time' carries such a connotation of selfishness, but it is actually quite the opposite. So push through the guilt and remember that you need to look after yourself to be the best you can be. Don't wait until you are feeling anxious and burnt out to start regularly scheduling in something for yourself.
If you are feeling overwhelmed there are plenty of places to help. See your GP, contact beyondblue.org.au or panda.org.au.
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