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| Taking the tears out of drop-off
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Ask any child care worker and there will always be at least one child in every class who struggles with school or daycare drop-off. And though it is natural for a young child to feel anxious when you say goodbye, continued distress at separation, or separation anxiety, can be incredibly upsetting for all concerned.
Separation anxiety can start before a child's first birthday and can last into the early school years, and the timing and intensity can vary and change, depending on the child. Often, in time, and with plenty of patience, the anxiety will dissipate. But there are several things you can do to make those morning meltdowns a little easier for everyone.
Be consistent and be positive
A huge part of making sure your child feels safe and secure at school without you is having a consistent routine. Explain beforehand what is happening and always try and stay calm and relaxed (though we know how hard this can be!) – they will always pick up on your tension.
Although you may want to keep your goodbyes short and sweet, never sneak away. Explain where you will pick them up from and remind them that you will be back before you kiss them goodbye. If you feel they will struggle with separation in the lead up to starting a new school, practice separation by leaving the child with a family member or caregiver for a short time, and gradually increase the time you are apart.
Make a memento
Give your child something of yours to 'look after' for the day – a scarf, a special bracelet or simply a family photo. By providing them with a constant connection to you, this small item will help to reassure them anytime they feel anxious or worried.
Many early childhood services allow children to bring a security object, such as a favourite stuffed animal or blanket, which she can keep safely in her bag and visit for a hug whenever she needs reassurance. You can also develop a goodbye 'ritual' or a little thing that you both do each day such as a 'pinky promise' or a lipstick kiss on the hand.
Involve the educator
Every teacher has seen it before and will have plenty of strategies to help ease the distress. Getting settled in an activity alongside the teacher is a wonderful way to give the child a sense of purpose and belonging in the classroom, as well as providing routine and consistency.
Try and leave your child with the same educator each morning, someone who understands your child and who will give them the attention they need until they settle. For those at school, identify a safe place at school with your child, a quiet place where they can go during times of anxiety or stress, and make the teacher aware of where that is.
Start early
Mornings can often be a stressful dash of breakfast-teeth-shoes-sunscreen, and can add a lot of unnecessary anxiety to the day. Heading to bed earlier and getting up early allows time for a relaxed breakfast and a leisurely trip to school, giving you both a nice dose of together-time before separating. It also allows you to arrive at school earlier, when things are a little quieter and your child can get more attention from the teacher before the other children arrive.
Praise your child
Even if it is the smallest accomplishment – a good effort at school, getting involved in social activities, playing independently at the park – use these things to give your child positive reinforcement. It might not seem like a big thing to you, but it could be a huge step for them.
For further reading on first days at school, see our articles on First day of pre-school, and The transition from childcare to school.
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