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It's perfectly natural for children to go through ups and downs at child care. Learning to navigate social situations and friendships, and frustrations over sharing their space with others can often lead to the occasional day when they simply don't want to go to child care anymore.
But sometimes, children can go through a lengthy spell when they become distressed about going to child care. For older children the reasons can often be identified and resolved through talking with the child. However, with younger children, who find it hard to verbalise their feelings, it can be a challenging time for parents and child. Because parents need to work, the child still needs to attend but the upset can spark a cycle of anxiety, which is hard to break.
Separation anxiety
Separation anxiety is something that happens when children are first settling into a new child care service and routine, but it can also occur as a child gets older and begins feel his world is getting bigger. To help your child feel safe and secure, make sure s/he is attached to a special teacher or carer before you leave, preferably the same one every day.
Give your child a photograph or special object from mum or dad (a scarf, or handkerchief works well) so s/he can still feel connected during the day. Let your child know that you have a strong connection with the centre by maintaining consistent interaction and communication with the carers – if your child sees you have a trusting relationship, s/he is more likely to trust them too. Talk about your child's favourite things to do and people to play with, and always be positive and upbeat about the day (even if you don't feel like it!). Your will always pick up on your nerves.
Change in dynamics
If there has been a sudden change of heart about child care, it could be that there has been a change in dynamics in the room. Is there a new teacher, so your child has lost a trusted child-teacher relationship? Are there new children in the room? Has something happened with another child to now make them cautious about going to the service?
How do you feel walking into your early childhood service? It might look great on paper, but are there environmental changes – new smells or noises – that a sensitive child could find distressing?
Talk to the teachers to see if anything has changed, they should be open to finding a solution. If it is a social problem with another child, see if together you can find a solution to make your child feel safe at care, whether that means separating the children or monitoring their interactions closely until the problem dissipates.
When life isn't smooth, or change at home
Lack of consistency or change in home life can often lead to a distress about going to child care in the morning. Is there a new baby at home? Have you moved house? Even a holiday or break, such as Christmas or sickness, can be enough of a change in routine to cause difficulty when returning to care. Give your child some time to adjust, but be consistent in the routine and schedule of the day.
When they are not getting their way
We all know that feeling when you have to do something but you just don't want to do it! Child care can be overwhelming for some children and on those days when it all seems too much your child may just need a quiet day at home with mum. If you are lucky enough to be able to take a day off once in a while to give your child this break then do so.
If not, use the experience as an opportunity to build your child's coping and resiliency skills. Give your child the space to feel and express any feelings of frustration. Remind your child of the things that s/he can control such as books at bedtime, clothes, weekend activities and of all the special activities that they will miss from staying home.
When they are bored
In the last few months of child care, before they start big school, older children often become bored and frustrated with the routines of early childhood services and require more stimulation. High quality early childhood settings are familiar with this pattern and may offer older children more opportunities for structured learning around literacy and numeracy.
If you feel as though your child needs more stimulation to ensure they enjoy their last few months in an early childhood setting then be sure to talk to a trusted educator about what they can do and what you can do to keep the boredom at bay.
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