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| 8 simple tips for raising happy kids |
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As parents, all we ultimately want is for our kids to be happy. And though that sounds like it should be easy to achieve, sadly depression and anxiety are on the rise teenagers and young adults. So, what can we do to try and ensure we raise happy kids?
Be a happy parent
By ignoring your own happiness, you could be role modelling to your children that personal happiness doesn't matter. Value your own happiness and your children will grow to value theirs. So, take a moment to nurture your own passions and relationships, find happiness in the small things, and aim to live in the moment a little more. Show your kids how good it feels to do something you love and feel inspired by.
Avoid self-criticism, as this can inadvertently teach children that they should be able to control things they cannot, and teach them to treat themselves kindly and maintain perspective. And lighten up… those few occasions when you decide to drop the rules and have cake for dinner are the ones that the kids will always remember as their fondest times!
Have family traditions
This isn't about quantity of time, but rather those little things that define your own unit. Creating a family mission statement together, something in which their ideas are central, can provide children with a strong family narrative. Holding a family meeting once a month empowers everyone with a voice and a sense of equality and responsibility. Play games together, laugh together, slow down together and be engaged. Bust out the charades every Friday night, or promise to always cook together on the weekend. These fun traditions give a sense of grounding and belonging, something that they can fall back on when times feel uncertain.
Encourage independence
By knowing themselves and being confident in their world view your children will eventually know what makes them happy, so give them real responsibilities and don't hover. Provide your kids with choices and the opportunity to select and think for themselves, so they can discover their own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses.
Let your children lead the play, rather than they always turn to you for the fun. Give them a few choices of where you go one Sunday as a family and just see where it takes you. These choices empower them and lead to confidence and happiness. As your children grow older, encourage them to keep a journal, where they can record the best memory, new experiences, thoughts and feelings, teaching them gratitude and reflection.
Set clear limits on behaviour
Amidst this independence, always be consistent with the limits on behaviour – what is acceptable and what isn't – and make sure these limits apply to everyone. If politeness is most important to you, no matter what is happening the family rules everyone always says 'Please' and 'Thank you'. It is important that children know what the rules are and what the consequences are if those rules are broken.
Let them take risks
Though it's instinctive to want to make sure they are always ok, letting kids take a few risks is an important tool to building up resilience. If they don't have the chance to try things and make mistakes then they'll never become confident in themselves. Allow for both success and failure, and help them learn to handle challenges with grace and find growth in the mistakes.
Know feelings
It's impossible to be happy 100 per cent of the time, but when negative emotions do happen kids often lack the vocabulary or skills to explain how they feel. Help them explain their feelings through drawings or expression; talk to them about how they feel and about how others feel. This will teach the ability to process emotions as well as empathy and kindness for others. Always aim to communicate with honesty and love, even when you are feeling challenged. By watching you navigate your own feelings through the ups and downs of life and seeing how you process your own negative emotions and then move on, they will learn to manage their own emotions.
Praise the right behaviour
Happy kids need praise and recognition, but too much of the same can become lost. Rather than always saying 'Thanks, great job', specific praise such as 'Thanks for being helpful and putting the dirty washing in the basket,' can motivate children to continue trying hard when things are challenging. Praise the effort not the result.
Don't try so hard!
Sounds counterintuitive, but if we grant their every wish and don't give them the space to feel anger, sadness, or frustration for the short-term, they'll never work out how to process these things in the long-term. You are not responsible for their happiness. We just need to create the environment for them to find their own path, and space to develop the confidence to ultimately be responsible for their own happiness.
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