Building Secure Relationships: How Circle of Security-Parenting (COS-P) Supports Parents and Children

Parenting. It’s a wild ride of unconditional love, endless snack negotiations, and moments of wondering Am I doing this right? (Spoiler: You are.) But sometimes, despite our best intentions, we hit roadblocks—stress, self-doubt, postnatal blues, or just plain confusion about what our children actually need from us.

Enter Circle of Security-Parenting (COS-P), a research-backed parenting programme grounded in attachment theory. It doesn’t judge, doesn’t overwhelm, and absolutely doesn’t require you to memorise every page of a parenting book. Instead, it gives you the tools to build the kind of secure, loving relationship that makes kids feel safe, confident, and ready to take on the world (or at least the playground). 

What is the Circle of Security-Parenting (COS-P)?

COS-P is designed for parents and caregivers of children aged 0-5 years, providing them with the tools to foster secure attachments during early childhood.

Think of COS-P as the Google Translate for your child’s emotional needs. It’s an evidence-based programme that helps caregivers tune into their child’s cues, respond in a way that builds security, and (crucially) become a little kinder to themselves in the process.

At its heart, COS-P teaches one simple truth: kids thrive when they feel safe and connected. The programme helps parents:

• Decode their child’s emotional needs (because tantrums are rarely about the wrong colour sippy cup).
• Support their child’s ability to manage big feelings.
• Strengthen the parent-child bond in small, everyday moments.
• Recognise their own emotional triggers and responses—so they can parent with confidence rather than guilt.

For a deep dive, check out Circle of Security International or the Victorian Government’s COS overview.

Figure 1: The Circle of Security for the toddler and preschool years.

The Circle of Security: A Visual "Map" of Caregiver-Child Attachment

How COS-P Benefits Parents and Children

So, does COS-P actually work? Science (and many relieved parents) say YES. Studies show COS-P helps parents feel more confident, reduces stress, and improves emotional connection with their kids. Here’s how:

1. Helping Parents See Their Child in a New Light

A study in Sweden found that parents who participated in COS-P were more likely to see their child as a unique little human with feelings and needs—not just a tiny whirlwind of chaos (Risholm Mothander et al., 2018). This shift helps parents respond with more patience and understanding (fewer power struggles, more “I’ve got this” moments).

2. Improving Parent-Child Interactions

The same study showed that parents who completed COS-P became more emotionally attuned to their child’s needs. They were better at picking up on subtle cues and responding in a way that fostered security and connection. In everyday terms? This means fewer miscommunications and more moments where parents instinctively understand what their child needs—whether it’s a hug, some space, or yes, a snack.

3. A Lifesaver for Parents Facing Stress or Postnatal Depression (PND)

Parenting with PND or high stress is hard. COS-P has been found to reduce depression levels and boost parenting confidence (Mothander et al., 2018). It creates a safe space for parents to process their emotions while learning to support their child’s needs.

4. Dads, This One’s for You Too!

Often, parenting programmes focus on mums, but COS-P has been shown to work just as well for dads. A large Australian study found that fathers who participated in COS-P felt more confident and emotionally connected to their kids (Mothander et al., 2018). So yes, dads, you’re absolutely included in this conversation.

How COS-P is Changing Childcare in Australia

COS-P isn’t just for parents—it’s making waves in childcare services, too. Many early childhood education centres in Australia are integrating COS-P principles to help children feel secure and supported in their learning environment.

Childcare centres using COS-P focus on:

• Training educators to recognise and respond to children’s emotional needs.
• Hosting parent education sessions based on COS-P principles.
• Creating a consistent, nurturing environment where children feel safe.

How to Get Started with COS-P

The best news? COS-P is accessible, practical, and doesn’t require you to already have all the answers. If you’re curious, start here:

• Circle of Security International for a full rundown.
• Victorian Government’s COS-P page for Australian programme details.
• Insight Early Learning to see how COS-P works in childcare settings.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re doing parenting “right,” here’s your permission to exhale: you are enough. COS-P isn’t about being a perfect parent—it’s about showing up, tuning in, and knowing that your presence is the most important thing your child needs.

And if you ever need a little extra support, COS-P is there. Parenting is a team sport, and every parent deserves a solid game plan (and maybe a coffee).

References

Cassidy, J., Woodhouse, S. S., Sherman, L. J., Stupica, B., & Lejuez, C. W. (2011). Enhancing infant attachment security: An examination of treatment efficacy and differential susceptibility. Development and Psychopathology, 23(1), 131-148.

Hoffman, K. T., Marvin, R. S., Cooper, G., & Powell, B. (2006). Changing toddlers’ and preschoolers’ attachment classifications: The Circle of Security intervention. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(6), 1017-1026.

Risholm Mothander, P., Furmark, C., & Neander, K. (2018). Adding Circle of Security-Parenting to treatment as usual in three Swedish infant mental health clinics. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 59(3), 264-272.