I remember arriving at daycare one afternoon to pick my son up, he hadn’t noticed me yet. It was a unique opportunity because ordinarily, it’s hard to make the approach to the room he was usually in without being spotted immediately.
On this occasion, however, he was in a different room. So I just took a few moments to observe because I always wondered how he behaves when I’m not watching. Of course, the educators would have told me if there was anything wrong but it was the little things I was more curious about.
Is he patient? Does he pay attention? How does he interact with the other children? Those sorts of things.
Patients is a virtue
That’s when I saw it. Now this won’t sound like much but when I arrived, my son was waiting in line to approach a seated educator who was handing out crackers. He waited very patiently for his turn, all of the children did. He took his crackers, returned to his seat, and ate them. Then more were handed out to those who wanted them but this time the children held their hands up and remained in their seats.
See? I told you it isn’t going to sound like much at all.
Don't worry, it's common
Here’s the thing. My son’s manners are great, he’s very patient and considerate and these things get better as he gets older. But would he wait for snacks like that at home? Asking for no more before returning to his seat even though he clearly wants more? No chance!
And that’s when I learned, after a discussion with his educators, that this is very common with kids his age.
It's like they have two personalities. Two sets of manners and characteristics and, because home is familiar and safe, the manners are far more likely to go out the window in exchange for abruptly expressing whatever it is they require there and then.
“Yes please, I’d love some crackers,” at daycare quickly becomes “Crackers, give me crackers now!” at home when the hunger sets in.
And of course, it’s not something I encouraged, this behaviour was corrected immediately but it just fascinated me that he would never do this at daycare. He didn’t even do this at his grandparent’s house.
No, this was behaviour reserved exclusively for home and for me.
Read more about ‘Discipline Dos and Don’ts’
There's a reason
And it makes sense, does it not? That he’d feel more comfortable around me than anyone else. I actually took great comfort in it. Knowing that we’d created a home where he felt completely safe and relaxed to the point where even now, at seven years old, he’ll walk around in his underwear with food on his face but if there was a knock at the door, he’d go wash up and put clothes on. I don’t know, I find it comforting.
I mean I could do without the hands in the pants and the running commentary on bowel movements but it’s definitely preferable to a son who’s too timid to be themselves and relax completely around me.
Honesty is everything
I grew up in a very different environment. A household completely void of love. My heart would race just from the sound of the front door opening and I would retreat to my room as soon as my mother or father would come home.
Obviously, I know that this isn’t the norm and I’ve known long before I became a parent that my children would never fear me in this way. Still, it’s reassuring to know that I’ve taken the experiences of my childhood and used them as a blueprint on all the things to avoid like the plague and to think I’ve done it successfully.
And surely I have. As I write this, there’s a little boy on the couch insisting ‘Dinner should be really good tonight and not like last night’.
Yes, I cooked last night.
