Ok, before we get started on this, we need to acknowledge and accept one thing: I think swearing is funny. Even funnier when it comes from a child in a nonaggressive way.
Of course, I don’t ever want my son to swear at me directly but let’s be honest, he’s going to at some stage. My goal for now though, as the father of a seven-year-old who copies everything I say and most of the things he hears others say, is to teach him about intent and the appropriate use of certain words.
Do I care?
Here’s where I’ll potentially lose a lot of you. I don’t care about swearing. I don’t find it offensive. I find words like “guesstimate” and “synergy” far more upsetting than the ‘S’ or ‘F’ word. And as I said, my son is a sponge and he copies everything I say. I remember playing Mario Kart with him and someone “a**hat” blue shelled me at the finish line, and unfortunately, “gosh darn it!” just isn’t in my vocabulary.
What is? Something not able to be published on this site.
And so, whenever my kid was wronged in Mario Kart — or indeed any game thereafter — he’d utter that same, unpublishable sentence. I knew as soon as I said it that I had messed up. I knew he’d say it. And I knew that if I made a big song and dance about it, he’d just want to say it even more.
So, I had no choice really but to let it slide, with a few stipulations attached. I explained to him that it was a word to be used at home and that most people don’t like hearing it.
Find out how Dr Kaylene explains the Do's and Don'ts of Discipline.
What is a naughty word?
“Is it a naughty word?” he asked. This rattled me a bit and I’ll explain why in a minute. I told him it’s not a naughty word, it’s just that it can upset some people and it’s hard to know who it’ll upset so we don’t say it to anyone. I explained I use it a lot. Way too much. But usually in the context of frustration at a game or stubbing my toe on the coffee table. I don’t direct it at anyone. And this he appears to have grasped.
This was a while ago and I’ve never heard him use it once but if I know my son, he’s probably uttered it under his breath when I’ve told him he must turn off his iPad and come to eat at the table.
So why is it not a naughty word? Well, I mean I suppose it is. I’m just very careful about what I attach ‘naughty’ to. I feel that carries far more weight and negative connotations than any swear word. I learned this, from my son, very early on when I said he was naughty when what I meant was, he was being naughty. The thing he was doing was naughty by definition, but that didn’t make him a naughty boy. Because he’s not. He’s good kid. He’s a really good kid.
Watch your audience
Yeah he’s probably going to use a few words he shouldn’t and that’s entirely my fault at this stage because not only am I inadvertently teaching them to him, I can’t help but laugh when he says them.
I’m not sure where I got it from, I don’t remember anyone instilling the value in me, but as a kid I never swore in front of people I didn’t know, older people and young children. And that’s a rule I stick to still. I love a good ‘F bomb’ but I’ve always tried to be considerate of others around me and ultimately it’s the consideration for others that I want my son to take with him into the world.
A comedian and very good friend of mine once told me that not using swear words is silly. “They’re as expressive as anything we have in this language and to not use them is indeed silly.”
