Ok, before we get started on this, we need to acknowledge and accept one thing: I think swearing is funny. It's even funnier when it's kids swearing in a light-hearted, non-aggressive way.
Of course, I don't ever want my son to swear at me directly but let's be honest, he's going to at some stage. My goal for now though, as the father of a seven-year-old who copies everything I say and most of the things he hears others say, is to teach him about intent and the appropriate use of certain words.
Why young children might swear and what you can do
Here's where I'll potentially lose a lot of you. I don't care about swearing. I don't find it offensive. I find words like “guesstimate” and “synergy” far more upsetting than the ‘S' or ‘F' word. And as I said, my son is a sponge and he copies everything I say, especially when he uses moments of frustration to try out words he’s heard. I remember playing Mario Kart with him and someone “a**hat” blue-shelled me at the finish line, and unfortunately, “gosh darn it!” just isn't in my vocabulary.
And so, whenever my kid was wronged in Mario Kart — or indeed any game thereafter — he'd utter that same, unpublishable sentence. I knew as soon as I said it that I had messed up. When an adult swears, it's not a surprise that a child swears. I knew he'd say it. And I knew that if I made a big song and dance about it or gave him too much attention, he'd just want to say it even more to express frustration or try pushing boundaries.
So, I had no choice really but to let it slide, with a few stipulations attached. I explained to him that it was a word to be used at home, that most people don't like hearing it and that clear family rules can help define what’s acceptable. Everyone has different rules that need to be respected.
Swearing is often experimental for toddlers and preschoolers, who may not fully understand the meaning behind the words. For younger children, experts often suggest that it’s best to ignore swearing in toddlers to avoid reinforcing the behaviour.
Find out how Dr Kaylene explains the Do's and Don'ts of Discipline.
What is a naughty word and how to handle kids swearing?
“Is it a naughty word?” he asked. This rattled me a bit and I'll explain why in a minute. I told him it's not a naughty word, it's just that it can upset some people and it's hard to know who it'll upset so we don't say it to anyone. I explained I use it a lot. Way too much. But usually in the context of frustration at a game or stubbing my toe on the coffee table. I don't direct it to anyone. And this he appears to have grasped.
This was a while ago and I've never heard him use it once but if I know my son, he's probably uttered it under his breath when I've told him he must turn off his iPad and come to eat at the table.
So why is it not a naughty word? Well, I mean I suppose it is. I'm just very careful about what I attach ‘naughty' to. I feel that carries far more weight and negative connotations than any swear word. I learned this, from my son, very early on when I said he was naughty when what I meant was, he was being naughty. The thing he was doing was naughty by definition, but that didn't make him a naughty boy. Because he's not. He's a good kid. He's a really good kid. When children swear or act out, it’s often about the behaviour, not the person.
Watch your audience when swearing and encourage respectful behaviour in different settings
Yeah he's probably going to use a few words he shouldn't and that's entirely my fault at this stage because not only am I inadvertently teaching them to him, I can't help but laugh when he says them.
I'm not sure where I got it from, I don't remember anyone instilling the value in me, but as a kid, I never swore in front of people I didn't know, older people, or young children. This is especially important since a younger or older child might copy or influence others more easily. And that's a rule I stick to still, as it helps to model respectful language for my son. I love a good ‘F bomb' but I've always tried to be considerate of others around me and ultimately it's the consideration for others that I want my son to take with him into the world.
Some effective ideas to encourage respectful behaviour include setting clear examples, explaining the impact of words, and rewarding positive language. Setting boundaries early can help you discourage swearing while promoting positive communication habits.
A comedian and very good friend of mine once told me that not using swear words is silly. “They're as expressive as anything we have in this language and to not use them is indeed silly."
Tips to help your kids stop swearing
Teaching my son to maintain self-control when he gets frustrated is also part of this learning curve, especially when trying to stop swearing and finding ways to discourage swearing and encourage positive communication. Whether it’s reminding him to take deep breaths or showing him how to express himself in a way that doesn’t involve swearing, I want him to understand that there are other ways to handle anger or frustration.
