Choosing the right care is essential and with the proper tools, that's easier than you think. Once you're in and childcare has begun, you might think that it's pretty smooth sailing. The truth is, other children can take a little longer than others when it comes to settling in. For some families, it might only be a short period of time, but what happens if things take a little longer?
Longer term strategies to help your child settle in childcare
Scenario: Your child really protests when you leave them there but it's reported to you by your child's educators that they settle pretty soon after you've left.
It's normal for children to feel anxious about their first day in childcare. If, in the longer term, however, your child continues to protest strongly when you leave, try and arrange for your partner or a trusted friend to drop your child off instead of you. Your child might simply be objecting to your departure rather than their new environment.
If your child continues to feel upset and miserable, ask your carer if they can provide any insights. Your child will experience a swathe of new people and experiences in their first weeks of care and any one of these could influence their emotions.
It takes time for young children to adjust to early childhood care and some children take longer than others, however, be open to the possibility of an underlying problem.
Remember consistency is very important when it comes to a child's transition from home to childcare. To make a child feel secure, it's crucial to establish a routine and stick to it and avoid making other changes to your child's routine while they are getting used to their new child care arrangement. This doesn't necessarily mean that abuse is occurring. The problem could be something as simple as a personality conflict between your child and a caregiver.
Staying in touch with your child after you return to work
Returning to work after having a child can be a challenging time for parents. There are a multitude of conflicting emotions you may have to deal with, ranging from separation anxiety, guilt and heartache at the thought of leaving your child right through to excitement and relief at the thought of returning to work.
Many parents returning to work worry that making the decision to return to work means they will miss out on many of the key milestones and developmental stages in their child's life. It is also common for parents to feel concerned that they will be replaced by the care provider.
These anxieties are completely normal and are exacerbated by our desire to be perfect parents and exemplary employees all at the same time. Remember that in the early days separation is often more difficult for the parents than it is for the child and that by putting your child in the care setting, you are opening them up to a whole range of positive new experiences, including the opportunity to make friends, participate in new activities and develop trust and confidence in other adults.
While you might not be able to be there to watch your child meet all of their milestones, regular feedback from a trusted and reliable provider can help make you feel safe and secure about your child's welfare and make the separation a little easier to manage.
If staying informed about your child's activities is important to you, make sure you choose a childcare service that has a proactive approach to keeping parents updated. Put this on your list of criteria and remember to ask what they do to keep parents in 'the know'.
Staying in touch also happens at home, after picking your child up at the end of a busy day, set a particular time to take a few moments when you first get in to sit with them quietly and engage in an activity that makes both of you feel close and connected. Depending on age this could be anything from feeding your baby to reading a book, cuddling or just chatting about each other's day. Try and get into the habit of doing this before you launch into your next round of jobs such as bathing, cooking or bedtime routines.
Creating a strong family culture while working
If you are one of the ever-increasing number of Australian parents who relies on childcare you have probably wondered what your children think about your work. You may also have spent time worrying about whether the separation is affecting your family.
Author of The Working Mother's Guide to Life: Strategies, Secrets, and Solutions, Ms Linda Mason has done a lot of research into this subject and after conducting numerous interviews with working parents has shown that it is possible to have a rich and vibrant family culture even when both parents are working.
''A strong family is one with a deeply felt connection, a sense of belonging and security, and unconditional love. The sense of family is defined by values and connections, not by any particular configuration of individual roles'', she writes.
In her book Ms Mason encourages parents to continuously share their professional world and working life with their children. She says that taking your children to your workplace to see where you work and meet your colleagues will make the whole thing seem more real to them.
Ms Mason suggests in her book that it's possible to create a balance between working life and home life by helping children understand that work is a natural part of life and by cultivating a rich and strong family life for the times when everyone is home together.
She says that families can achieve this by intentionally creating a unique set of rituals and traditions which are easy and fun to do on a regular basis and which everyone can get involved with. Some ideas you might like to include:
- Playing a favourite song before everyone leaves in the morning
- Walking the dog after dinner
- Sunday brunch
- Saturday cuddles in bed
- Reading a favourite book before bed
In addition to the family rituals, Ms Mason says it is very important for family members to make the most of the time they have together, even with the competing pressure of work.
''In the eyes of children, it's the little things that count the most: the hugs, the conversations, playing together, listening to your child play an instrument, singing a song together or reading a book'', she says.
Ms Mason says for families with working parents it is especially important to share feelings and to be intimate and honest with your children. She says this fosters an open environment that encourages constant communication and allows children to develop a broad range of emotional responses to the things they experience in the world.
''Sharing life stories, personal interests, and relaxed time with our children can help us appear real and accessible to them. Through this, we create a bond with our child that is based on intimacy and honesty'', she says.
As a final suggestion for creating a strong family culture, Ms Mason advises parents to create intimate family spaces which are cosy and inviting for children. This has the twofold benefit of providing your children with a snuggly nook where they can go and read a book or do some drawing as well as a place you can go to share these moments with your children.
''However we choose to create a strong family culture – inventing unique family rituals, continuous verbal family bonding, or designing intimate family settings – the real values lie in the focused family time spent together. Such occasions will develop into cherished family moments for everyone'', says Ms Mason.
