As a parent, it can be difficult to watch your little one deal with failure. Whether their team lost their weekend sports game or they didn’t achieve their best at school, failure can lead to a range of emotions. But learning how to effectively manage these emotions and handle setbacks can set them up for success in the future.
Dealing with failure can be difficult at any age, but for children in particular, failure can be a tough pill to swallow. That said, dealing with failure helps them build confidence, adaptability, and a growth mindset to help them tackle future challenges.
Learning how to effectively deal with failure is an important life lesson, which is why we’ve pulled together some tips to help your child navigate the feelings of failure and develop emotional resilience.
Using failure as a learning opportunity
Life is full of challenges, and failure is one of them. But rather than viewing failure negatively or as something to be ashamed of, it can help to reframe failure as an opportunity for learning and growth.
Your child will face various challenges throughout their lives, some of which may end in failure. But just because they failed once doesn’t mean they can’t give it another crack and succeed the next time around. From learning to crawl, walk, run, and ride a bike, your little one is sure to take a tumble or two as they develop these new skills, but that doesn’t mean they won’t master them eventually.
Not to mention, failure itself can help children develop emotional skills by teaching them how to navigate and manage their feelings in a healthy way. When children experience failure, they’re exposed to a range of emotions, including frustration, disappointment, sadness, or anger. Often, they’ll experience several different emotions as they learn to accept the situation at hand. It’s by facing these emotions they learn to identify and label their feelings, which is a crucial first step in developing emotional intelligence.
Failure also presents children with opportunities to practice controlling their emotional reactions. Whether it’s calming down after losing a game or reframing their thoughts after falling from their bike, learning to regulate emotions like anger or sadness helps them develop emotional resilience.
But that’s not all. Failure can also foster empathy, encourage problem-solving, develop patience and perseverance, and boost confidence.
Ultimately, failure serves as a powerful tool for teaching children how to recognise, process, and manage their emotions, setting the foundation for emotional intelligence and resilience that will serve them throughout life.
Common emotional responses to failure
Failure often brings up a range of emotions for children. Their response is typically shaped by their age, personality, and prior experiences.
Here are some common reactions to failure:
- Frustration,
- Sadness,
- Anger,
- Embarrassment or shame,
- Anxiety or fear,
- Guilt,
- Denial, and
- Resilience.
It’s normal for children to experience a mix of these emotions when they experience failure. They may feel sad at first but then become frustrated or angry. Alternatively, they might feel embarrassed initially and later experience anxiety about trying again.
While we’re on the topic of emotional responses, it’s important to understand that different age groups will often have different reactions to failure. For example, a toddler might throw a tantrum or cry because they’re unable to regulate their emotions, whereas pre-schoolers are often more likely to verbalise their frustration, saying things like “I can’t do this” or “This is too hard.” At this stage, children are learning to navigate their emotions, but they might still struggle to deal with the frustration that often comes with failure.
Understanding these emotional responses can help parents and caregivers tailor their support to guide children through their emotions and help them view failure as a learning opportunity.
Practical ways to help children navigate setbacks
As a parent, there are a number of strategies you can use to help your child navigate failure. Here are just some of the ways you can help children deal with setbacks and failure while building emotional resilience.
Normalise failure
First things first, start by embracing failure as a normal part of the learning process. When children view failure as a part of life, they’re more likely to embrace setbacks and shift their focus to perseverance.
You can do this by sharing personal stories of setbacks and how you overcame them. This helps kids understand that failure happens to everyone and is an opportunity to grow.
Encourage a growth mindset
It can also help to teach children that failure and setbacks are all part and parcel of developing skills. Praise effort over outcomes to foster a growth mindset. Instead of focusing on success or failure, highlight the hard work and perseverance. Statements like, “You worked so hard on that!” help children see the value in trying, regardless of the result.
Children will often voice their frustration by saying things like, “I can’t do this.” Instead, encourage them to embrace the power of “yet.” By reframing their perspective and taking an “I can’t do this yet” approach, they’ll be better positioned to accept failure as part of the learning process.
Equip them with problem-solving skills
Part of the learning process involves reflecting on what went wrong and how they can improve next time. Guide them through finding solutions and alternative approaches. For example, if a child loses a game, ask, “What could you do differently next time?” This builds their ability to cope and adapt. Plus, they’ll be more likely to take a different approach the next time they come up against a similar challenge.
Model healthy emotional responses
Children often learn through observation. As a parent, it’s up to you to model the type of behaviour you’d like them to embrace. If they see you react to your own challenges with calmness and optimism, they’ll be more likely to take the same approach. With this in mind, it’s important to avoid overreacting to failure or mistakes and, instead, talk openly about how you manage disappointments.
Create a safe space for emotions
As a parent, it’s important to encourage children to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Children can have some big feelings when navigating failure, so it’s essential to validate their emotions and experiences. By saying things like, “I can see you’re really disappointed,” you’re able to help them label their feelings. Emotional validation helps kids feel understood and more capable of handling future setbacks.
Celebrate effort over success
Celebrate small victories, even if they fall short of the ultimate goal. The focus should be on persistence and effort rather than success. This builds confidence and reminds children that progress is what really matters. Whether it’s improvement in a skill or the courage to try again, these moments of progress deserve recognition.
Reframe setbacks as learning opportunities
Teach children to view failures as valuable lessons rather than something that should be feared. Ask questions like, “What did you learn from this experience?” This reframing shifts the focus from disappointment to personal growth, helping them approach future challenges with optimism.
Ultimately, failure can be a valuable stepping stone to success. As a parent, you play a key role in helping your child navigate failure and develop emotional resilience. Just like any skill, emotional resilience is a trait that’s built over time. With this in mind, it helps to take a supportive and patient approach to failure.
But building resilience isn’t just important for children. As a parent, it’s also vital to continue to work on your mindset toward challenges. To learn more, read our blog on how to build resilience as a parent. If you’re looking for help teaching resilience within a childcare setting, we’ve got you covered with our resilience lessons for early childhood.
